Here, at Lame Dog, we work hard to bring quality content to our thousands of subscribers. Well, currently four subscribers. And that includes — oh my God, can I bear the embarrassment? — the Dog himself. But who’s counting?
In the hope of increasing my international influence, I’ve been conducting an in depth study of business practices. Based on the behavior of certain other web sites (and local magazines), here are my findings. If you want to succeed, you need to:
1. Post things that will appeal to your audience’s narrow self-interest.
2. Post things that are vaguely prurient. Or not so vaguely.
3. Turn everything into a list. Because it’s the only thing the human brain can process anymore.
Hence, the title of this post. But before we get to that, let’s spend a moment talking about this blog. Now, I’m sure you’ve been saying to yourself, “What can I do to help this site realize it’s manifest destiny to become an astounding success?” Glad you asked.
First of all, if you haven’t done so already, please consider subscribing. It’s not hard. See where it says “Subscribe” at the top right of the home page. Click on it. That’s important because you’ll receive an email alert when I have a new post, which is not often. Otherwise, you may log on at random times and see nothing new. Come on. It’s got to be less annoying that those alerts you receive when one of your virtual friends announces that … wow! … they ate in a restaurant.
What else can you do? If you know people who may be interested, you can send them an email or post a link on your social media page. Say something like: “Check this out!! I have no idea who this lame dog character might be. But he/she/it is my new guru.”
After that, if you’re still itching for ways to help, you can:
* Put a sign on your lawn that reads “Log onto lame-dog.com”
* Take out a second mortgage and donate the proceeds to lame-dog.com.
* Remember Lame Dog in your will. Do you really want to leave that money to provide for your loved ones?
* Go up to random strangers in the supermarket and say, “The Dog Wants to Know.”
Okay. So about that orgasm. Here are the ways:
(1) Get into a hot tub while holding a glass of red wine and think about this web site.
(2) Approach your special someone, tell them to bug off, and instead think about this website.
(3) Think about this website while doing that spinning thing in your spinning class.
You get the idea. You can make the rest up yourself.
Hmnn, well I am reading it on my phone and the app reads fine but I dont see where to subscribe! Design flaw that is not your fault. You have a flair for writing, lame dog.
Thank you!
You won’t see the subscribe option if you are viewing this on a phone. But you should see if if you log onto the home page from a laptop.